Embracing change and those voices in our head…
It’s becoming more and more real. I’m actually doing it. I’ve dropped the ‘Natalie’ and have become Alexis Lee.
This is a long time coming… and part of me has been thinking, who do I think I am changing my name? It’s going to be so difficult for people. But also is that a reason not to do it? I don’t think so. I can literally see people rolling their eyes when I say I’ve changed my name.
Am I going to let that stop me? Absolutely not.
This is something I wanted to do since school, in fact I tried to but it never stuck. And that’s probably more about me not having conviction behind my actions.
This time I’m determined. I don’t care if it’s tricky for me or other people, we’ll manage….
Because, change is inevitable.
Whether we instigate change, as I did, or it happens to us, change is inevitable in life and life is too short to resist it!
Often it’s much easier to loosen our grip and surrender and trust the change than to hold on tight – if something is going to happen, it’s going to happen whether we like it or not.
So why do so many of us resist or get upset by change?
Like most things, there is no one answer to this. It could be that as humans, our brains are hardwired to resist change because we see it as a threat, so our brains throw us into fight or flight.
Often though, it’s fear that stops us…
What if we fail?
What will people think?
What if… what if… what if…
How about reframing ‘what if’ to … ‘what if it all works out!’
You see our brains don’t know the difference between our thoughts and reality. When we have fearful thoughts, our body thinks it’s really happening and reacts as such – this then puts us in a state of fight or flight, controlled by our primitive brain, which is great if we have to run away or fight, but not so great if we have shit to do.
I figure, if this is the case, we may as well fill our brains with good thoughts.
Noticing our thoughts and changing or challenging them can take some practice.
Here’s one way to do this.
Firstly, pay attention. Acknowledge and recognise the thoughts. Notice when they are unhelpful, unwanted, distracting and ultimately destructive.
You can challenge your thinking with a thing called Socratic Questioning. You do this by asking yourself open ended questions that evoke critical thinking. It helps if you work through this whilst writing it down. And you can ask someone to support you if you need challenging.
Here’s an example of some questions you can ask yourself.
1. Are there any alternative explanations for the situation?
2. How would someone else, who doesn't hold the opinion as me, view the situation?
3. What would I tell a friend if they had the same thought in this situation?
4. If this belief were true, what would be the worst possible outcome? What would be the best possible outcome? What would be the most realistic outcome?
5. Can I identify a time when this belief wasn't true, or when the opposite was true?
6. What are the advantages and disadvantages of thinking this way?
7. Is this thought based on how I feel or on facts?
8. How does this thought affect my emotions and behaviour?
9. How would my life be different if I didn't have this belief?
Socratic questioning can be tough to dig into, especially on our own. Our brains are hard-wired to confirm the stories we tell ourselves, we like to find the evidence that supports our theories and ignore the other stuff, because we’re clever like that. It’s better to do this with another person who will challenge you, or even better, in a group such as my membership.
This all takes practice, but the more we do this, the more control we start to take over our thoughts actions and therefore lives, the closer we get to healing and creating the life we dream of.
This blog is made up of excerpts from the emails you get when you join my Healing Myself Community. The weekly email is designed to challenge your thinking, and support your healing.
And you are not alone in this – this is a community and we have a Facebook group for discussions and community events to explore all of this even further.
ALL for £4.99 a month!
You can join below.
